Significantly Satisfying Tiny Movement

Image of small feet up on toes with words "Tiny Steps Forward: It's the Little Things"

Stay curious. Notice the connectionsAllow it all ~
Be satisfied with what is, with an ongoing curiosity about what else could be.

What happens when I am willing to be curious about what my body can actually do rather than fold into the story of what it can no longer do because of pain, balance issues and nerve damage?

One of the most satisfying things for me is the discovery of tiny shifts I can make that will improve the function of my body. On this day, that discovery was a focus I can have as I walk. Every day walking.

There is evidence in my calf musculature of nerve damage going down the inside of my right leg. It’s noticeable when I try to do toe raises – raising up onto the ball of my foot. I have not been able to do that more than perhaps 1/2 inch to an inch with my right leg and that requires the support of stabilizer in front of me.

Today I watched the pattern of my gait after I got off the stationary bicycle and noticed as I walked towards the reflection of my feet in the television that while the weight of the left leg stayed evenly distributed on the foot, the right leg leaned towards the right on the foot and did not engage the toes. The big toe which is a primary support of the foot in motion.

So I practiced engaging that set of muscles. I focused on putting my weight inward towards my big toe rather than out towards the outside of my right foot.

It is such a minute shift, and already with just a few cycles around my apartment, with that distinct focus as I strike the heel of my right foot to the ground and roll the foot forward to the toes, there is a shift.

I asked a little while back how to engage the right side of my body in a more proactive way.

The next step answer arrived on this morning. My question was related to balance, about the possibility of bringing my balance back into alignment so that I can feel stable and steady enough on a bicycle, a real time bicycle that requires a sense of balance in the rider to keep it upright and moving forward. I’d like to rent a bike and ride it on an even surface. Maybe even eventually on the road!

This is a start. As I feel into my body and feel the nerves firing in the inner part of my right foot, I realize that what that is is a reactivation not a function of damage.

It is the indication of motion forward, of sensation present.

And because I’m tuned in to the presence of this particular sensation most of the time I recognize that the sensation goes all the way up my leg and into my pussy, that beautiful place with 8000 nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris where turn on is experienced sexually.

Everything is connected! The entire nervous system is connected.

I started this physical practice this morning from a satisfied turned on place – initiated by tuning in to the feeling of satisfaction as I journaled, noticing it instantly in my body as waves of sweet sensual pleasure.

Sometimes satisfaction registers as an internal belly click … a settling of the organs, and a feeling of happiness. This day is was gentle waves of sensual pleasure.

From this place, this place of gentle pleasure I moved into stretching and listening to the body as I stretched it, following the promptings it gave me.

I then put my Sketchers on for the first time in a very long time. It felt like I would have a better smoother experience on the bike than just my flip flops. My feet felt supported. I felt as though I had more control of the bike pedals.

Today, twelve minutes with 2 minutes of rapid, intense cycling towards the end of the experience. That two minutes is exhilarating … and it is a pushing of the boundary of what I thought possible. My loose goal is the get to 20 minutes of HIIT without knocking out my mobility for the rest of the day. Which means being ok with the high in high intensity being high intensity for my body as it is now, not pushing past the records of anyone else, not judging my performance based on any one else.

Slow and steady.

Dismounting the bike and walking around the apartment, not wanting to sit down, not wanting to lay down and stretch either. And following the impulse to watch my gait as I walked, noticing the apparent imbalance and creating a felt rebalance that can be practiced gently over the next little bit

Loving the way of it! In deep appreciation.

Remembering that there’s a difference between pushing my body just beyond what it’s felt capable of up until this point recently, a sense of curiosity, a gentle pushing of the edge and the sense of pushing hard to repeat an experience. It is a subtle difference until you become aware of it and then not so subtle. The difference between expansion and constriction.

Noticing the similarity to pushing for climax in sexual experience, pushing for that repeated sensation that we associate with orgasm.

Or,

Allowing the sensation to build with focus and do what it will, knowing that orgasm is actually the continual turn on, sometimes expressed as sexual climax and sometimes simply allowed to smolder and carry you through the day.

Stay curious. Notice the connections.

Allow it all ~
Be satisfied with what is, with an ongoing curiosity about what else could be.