Choosing to Live Turned On
I am having so much fun practicing the vibration of feeling good. Noticing when I don’t and moving it up a notch just because it feels really good to do that. For no other reason.
Last week I wrote about the choice to give my focus to pleasure, to the practice of feeling good no matter what.
In that decision to focus on the feel good, naturally, all that does not that showed up. All week long, I’ve had intense practice, in the face of some difficult old emotion and patterns that I had hoped were gone. As I have chosen to accept every single feeling that comes along and bring it into my heart and love it right where it is it gets easier and easier and easier to feel good. Even when it is hard.
Sometime this week my head caught up with my heart.
And as I was preparing my coffee (still decaf) this morning it delighted me to recognize how much fun to it is practice feeling good simply for the sake of it. Without regard to anything is going on around me. I really can feel good, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what is or is not here in my life, regardless of WHO is who is or is not here in my life.
I can feel in love whether I have a partner or not, whether I have someone to explore sexuality with or not, whether I have whatever it is I think I need to be happy. No matter.
The feelings in any given moment are just information.
They are not the statement of my inherent worth or lack of value.. They are simply bits of information that tell me if I am in alignment with, or not in alignment with my inner being, Source Energy, the Divine Beloved within. It feels infinitely better to be in the state of alignment so the more I experience it in an embodied way … out of my head and into my body, the more I choose to find ways to put myself back in that space alignment.
It isn’t even necessary to talk about how bad I felt as if I need to feel bad to justify the right to feel good. How I feel is the most important thing and the most important barometer for alignment that there is.
I’ve been thinking a lot about sex and partner sex, thinking about how good it feels to be the object of someone’s desire, to be the object of someone’s arousal while the energies go back and forth and we play in it until it it completes itself. We associate that sensation of arousal with that person.
That’s backwards! It’s backwards!
Orgasmic sensual energy is the energy of creation and we are creators to our cores. We are remembering this. That feeling of being turned on? It comes from within ourselves first. And it is cultivated from within, independent of an other.
I would not trade this growing understanding, this experiential understanding that it starts within me first. It is the awareness of life force energy pulsing through me that feels so juicy, so vibrant, it feels good! When I’m there, the energy flows up and down my body and every move I make feels amazing.
Even the experience of thoughts that feel good express as the sensation of gentle waves of pleasure in my brain. When I simply focus on feeling 100% connected to the Divine within, it is way beyond what words can adequately describe.
I have had that this this week … in the middle of deep emotional pain and tears that rolled in in waves, I have felt the pleasure of shifting connection to Source. Viscerally. In my body. Often. A continual return to the Home of my heart. In my body. Here. Now.
Choosing to live turned on. It is not just about sex, this is about full on life!
Alive and allowing. All of it.